This week I’ve had several people approach me with hard conversation topics. I’m not sure why they’ve all been piled into this week, but whew, I’m surviving them one by one. They’ve been all over the map really ranging from Jayda, her murderer, Quincy’s struggles, or the big bad D word (dating/why I’m not).
I honestly love these conversations. They make me think about things in an different light and sometimes I end up explaining something in a way that even surprises me and I end up giving myself my own ah-ha moment. Sometimes saying the strangest thing out loud is what brings on all the feels and I realize I’m struggling in an area I had no idea I was.
One of the biggest things that has stood out to me this week is how strange time seems after a traumatic event. I’m honestly not sure if it’s the lose itself, the event of what happened, or some of the stuff that followed it that has made it so strange.
Some days it feels like November 28th, 2017 was a lifetime ago. Like it’s been a century since I got to see my babies smiling face or hold her or love on her. Other days the pain and gut punches make it feel like it was literally last week.
Some days I feel strong and courageous. Some days I want to stay in bed and maybe try again tomorrow.
I’ve learned to take each day as it comes. I’ve learned that each morning brings different emotions and memories. I’ve learned some days come with more strength than others. Most importantly, I’ve learned to embrace them all and be patient with myself.
Don’t let anyone tell you what pace you should be healing at. Don’t let anyone tell you what you’re ready for. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad for doing what you need to do to get through each day and live the best life that you can after your trauma. To an outsider, it may seem like it was a long time ago and they may assume you’ve moved on. It’s ok for you to have moments where it feels like last week. It’s ok for that level of pain to still be there.
This is your journey. No one else’s.
Darling, be patient with yourself.